THE TEDDY BEAR WET THE BED
Standing next to my bed, my four-year-old son said softly, “Mommy, I’m cold.” I lifted the bed covers, shifted over, and welcomed him in to snuggle back to sleep. I vaguely remember asking, “Where are your pajamas, honey?”
The day’s routine began by discovering a Teddy Bear sitting right in the middle of my son’s bed, on top of a very obvious wet blanket and sheet. A pair of equally wet pajamas was sticking out from under the bed. I exclaimed, “Oh my, what have we here?” My son replied, authoritatively, “The Teddy Bear wet the bed!” Even though it was an inconvenient way to start the day, it was a charming moment.
About seventy-five percent of four-year-olds and eighty-five percent of five-year olds no longer wet their beds except occasionally, but many children do continue to wet right into adolescence and sometimes beyond. The situation should not be ignored, however children must not be shamed or pressured to stop wetting. Most bed-wetters feel great shame, though they may not admit it readily. Often they are upset and anxious about something they can’t seem to control. Many children refuse invitations to sleep over with their friends. Bed-wetting can harm their self-image and self-confidence.
Try to determine the probable cause of the problem. Limit liquids before bedtime. Few children have medical problems related to wetting. Your pediatrician may prescribe alternatives if the symptoms warrant them.
If your child stays dry for weeks or months and then begins wetting, this may be caused by anxiety. If your youngster tends to repress his feelings but is deeply affected by stressors around him, he may be an anxious child.
- Keep a diary on a calendar for a month or more. Note when he wets, the preceding events in the family, neighborhood or at school. Log any event that may be significant. Show the chart to your child and tell him you are trying to figure out what’s bothering him in order to overcome bed-wetting.
- Keep the chart for another month with your child, and encourage him to talk about fears or anxieties. Set aside a special time daily for these sharing sessions. (Preferably not bedtime.)
- Help him to relax at bedtime, using soft music or a back rub.
- Use a dry-bed chart made in a calendar form to reinforce his progress. Utilize small rewards such as checks or stickers, etc. with a small reward for each dry night, earning a larger reward at the end of each week for more and more dry nights. (Keep the chart simple.)
Keep calm. Expect occasional setbacks and be as positive as possible. Additional methods can be found in Drs. Nathan H. Azrin and V.A. Besalel’s book, A Parent’s Guide to Bed-wetting Control: A Step-by-Step Method. (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1979).
Arlene Pinheiro is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Michelle Pinheiro is a licensed social worker. They specialize in play therapy for children pre-K to 12. Through the use of toys, puppets, sand, clay, etc., the child’s natural medium, They help them address, resolve and cope with a variety of social, emotional, behavioral and learning problems. Parents and therapist work together to plan and monitor the progress. The practice, Child Play Therapy with a Family Connection, is located at 250 Main Street, Lebanon, NJ 08833. They can be reached at 908-236-2763 or at childplaytherapy@comcast.net.
