GIMME, GIMME, WANT, WANT. WHY ARE MY KIDS NEVER SATISFIED?
Holding four year old Jeffrey by the hand, Caroline walked into the grocery store. Within five minutes, Jeffrey said he wanted candy.
Caroline said, “No candy. We came here to get something for dinner tonight. No candy.” Jeffrey began to whine and complained that she never bought him anything. Soon he was kicking the cart and screaming. By aisle three, Caroline said, “Okay, go get your candy!”
Sound familiar? By giving in you may find requests turn into demands and commands that will rule your life as parents.
To solve a case of the wants, you must learn to say no when you mean no and then not change your mind. That’s not easy, especially for parents who are busy, and may be feeling guilty about not being with their children as much as they’d like. But it can be done.
CHANGE THE DANCE: Your first new dance step is to alter the experience that has become the basis for his or her expectations.
Use a team approach. Everyone must become part of the solution. That includes grandparents.
Children can easily become accustomed to receiving gifts and privileges when parents use them as substitutes for their physical presence or attention, to make up for earlier harsh words, or as a way to express love. If you tend to give material things to your child this way, exchange that behavior for a new dance step too. Give time and attention, and unconditional love—when he is not demanding things. Make a point of adding special moments. Play games together, read a bedtime story, or just chat about the day’s events.
DEVELOP A PLAN: You must change your own behavior if the child is to change. Think ahead. You have to be ready for the “gimmes” wherever you may be when the attack begins. Start your plan at home before you venture out into a public place where you may be too embarrassed to follow through. Tell your child that you are going to buy only what’s on the shopping list. Ask him or her to suggest one or two items to be considered; that way you have their input and cooperation before entering the food store or the mall.
Mean what you say. Repeat the rule – no purchases except for the items on the list – before going into the store. You may very well be tested. Remember, giving in under pressure will only teach your child that screaming, begging, whining works and that he or she has more power than you.
Use praise as you gradually wean your youngster by refusing more and more requests and teaching him to wait longer for what he wants. Be sure to praise his efforts to cooperate -–especially for accepting “No”.
For young children you may want to make a chart to record the progress. By earning points for complying, they may accumulate enough earned points to select a prize on the next outing.
Call or write for a free copy of “THE 7 STRATEGIES THAT ALWAYS PUT AN END TO THE WON’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER”.
